


Joanna

by SherlockWolf



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Child Loss, Gen, Songfic, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 04:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8475184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: So I was listening to Lady Gaga's new song "Joanne" and let me tell ya, once you apply that song to Bones' kid? Whoo do the tears come fast. I had to fic it; hopefully it turned out alright.





	

_Take My Hand_

_Stay, Joanne_

_Heaven’s not_

_Ready for you_

~

  “How is she?”

“Stable. For now.”

“Thank you.”

    Bones gives the nurse the kindest smile he can muster in the midst of this…disaster. Disaster being a relative word, but still accurate.

He leans back against the closed door for a moment to regain his composure, then rolls around and opens it. He puts on another smile as he approaches the lone bed.

    A small hand reaches out to him and he takes it in both of his own as he pulls up a chair. He places a soft kiss on the back of her hand before his eyes meet hers.

“Papa! That tickles!” Joanna giggles. Bones tries not to tear up at the sound of her laughter.

~

_Every part of my_

_Aching heart_

_Needs you more_

_Than the angels do_

~

    Joanna falls asleep while Bones reads _The Little Prince._ The soft whistles of her breath distract him until he trails off and watches her sleep. Her chest shakes a little with every breath, not a single one of which is steady.

 _It’s true._ He thinks to himself, _Kids really do look like angels when they’re sleeping._

His heart _hurts_ as he remembers that he’s only got a short time left to see that face anything but angelic.

~

_Girl, where do you think you're going?_

_Where do you think you're going, going, girl?_

_Girl, where do you think you're going?_

_Where do you think you're going, going, girl?_

~

    The days where Joanna’s health tanks are the hardest. Since Bones is her father he isn’t allowed to be her doctor, and it frustrates him to be on the waiting side of things instead of trying to _save_ her.

    Jim waits with him. When the nurses leave after delivering bad news, Jim puts an arm around his shoulder and pulls him closer so that Bones can lean against him. He never says a damn word, but the mere presence of him helps.

    Jim pulls up a chair next to Bones’ when they’re finally allowed inside the room and the physicians have cleared. They wait for Joanna to wake up. When she does, Bones takes her hand as she smiles with her tired young eyes. Bones and Jim take turns reading _Bambi_ , because neither can handle their thoughts for too long.

~

_If you could_

_I know that you’d stay_

_We both know_

_Things don’t work that way_

_I promised I_

_Wouldn’t say goodbye_

_So I grin_

_And my voice gets thin_

~

    “Papa?” Joanna’s voice is hoarse, and it tears Bones up to hear it. It hurts for her to laugh now, and she still tries to smile but that hurts too.

“Yeah, kiddo?” His own voice is rough around the edges, but for different reasons.

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

“Heaven?”

Bones feels the air leave his lungs. It’s a struggle to get it back. “Wonderful. Cats everywhere, but only cuddly ones. Plenty of horses. Clean air, beautiful forests, and not a bear in sight.”

“Will you and mommy be there? And Uncle Jim and Uncle Spock?” Her eyes searched his for truth.

“Soon. Not…at first. But we’ll get there.” He placed a kiss on her forehead.

“It’s not bye, right? Don’t say bye.” Joanna pleaded; Bones always kissed her forehead before they parted ways.

Bones nods, choked up. “It’s not. And I won’t.”

~

_Girl, where do you think you're going?_

_Where do you think you're going, going, girl?_

_Girl, where do you think you're going?_

_Where do you think you're going, going, girl?_

~

    She passes in her sleep. Bones is beside her, having just finished the second chapter of _The Jungle Book_. It takes him a moment to recognize the alarmed beeping he’s been dreading since day one. He drops the book just as a few nurses appear through the door. One of them gently ushers him out. He doesn’t protest, just keeps his eyes on his daughter’s face until she’s obscured by coloured scrubs.

~

_Honestly I know where you’re going_

_And baby you’re just moving on_

_And I’ll still love you even if I can’t_

_See you anymore_

_Can’t wait to see you soar_

~

    Jim brings a beautiful bouquet of rainbow orchids, which were Joanna’s favourite. He was the one who organized the funeral, making sure to mediate between Bones and Jocelyn so that neither had to directly communicate, as well as taking all of the work off their hands so that they could grieve. Vaguely, over a few days, Bones wonders how Jim knows that he needed that kind of treatment. He doesn’t dwell on it.  

    Spock brings a stuffed-animal sehlat, since Joanna (much to Bones’ chagrin) had always wanted to own a live one. The bear-creature is carefully tucked against his little girl, and Bones very nearly gives Spock a hug because he’s so damn _touched_.

    The funeral is small and private: just himself, Jim, Spock, Jocelyn and her new husband who’d been Joanna’s stepfather for about a year and a-half. Bones approves of the man and so he doesn’t say a word to him. Jocelyn can explain it to him later.

    After all, Bones is here for his little girl.

    She’s wearing her favourite dress, a sky blue one with outlines of well-known Earth constellations scattered across the fabric. A purple bow holds back her hair, and she’s got on her dress shoes. Bones would’ve preferred her sneakers, but Jocelyn had required dress shoes. Some tradition or something that Bones couldn’t care less about.

    Joanna looks gorgeous, and Bones hopes like hell that she’s having a blast in heaven. Adventuring, like she’s always dreamed of since she learned that her father was a space explorer. Nursing, like she’d chattered endlessly about since she found out that her father was a doctor. And surrounded by animals, because while she didn’t have many friends in school, she’d loved critters with all of her heart.

    Bones gave her one last forehead kiss, and whispered,

“I’ll be there.”

~

_Girl, where do you think you're going?_

_Where do you think you're going, going, girl?_

_Girl, where do you think you're going?_

_Where do you think you're going, going, girl?_


End file.
